Blog number 10
Getting older and I don't want to!


What to do to keep you day full and happy - mine often goes so slowly that a snail slimed through at jet speed.   Other times it flies past and don't get nearly as much done as I wanted to do - cannot win guys

So - I decided to have a 2019 New Year's resolution to make my days interesting and productive without being too tiring.   My body won't let me do or indeed go at the pace it used to run but I do get assistance from my caregivers and they are normally quite positive so that always helps

Last year I broke my back by moving a microwave from the floor to the sink bench (am now 1 inch shorter) and I have never been in such discomfort/pain ever before.  Having my children was nothing by comparison.  So we did the doctor's run and he said initially that I had a muscle spasm (bugger me no way!) then when he finally had an xray done (after my third visit to him) realised it was a lot more serious than he first thought.   That was when I couldn't bend over at all and had to wear a brace for 12 weeks - then of course the bone density testing etc. etc.   I have a 12% chance that when I fall next time (if that does happen) I will have a broken hip.   They wanted me to go onto medication but as I take hand fulls of pills now I wasn't going to add even more - so basically going cold turkey.  The disc squished hence me being shorter and I won't be lifting anything so stupid ever again...

The reason for the microwave change was because I blew up my old microwave and this new one was the insurance replacement.  Here I thought I was doing the right thing by bringing the item upstairs and placing it on the bench and then taking the broken one outside onto the outdoor table - I did a good job except I totally did my back in - and badly.   The bone scanning machine showed the density as being quite brittle so I won't be falling over any time soon (that is a given) LOL

I'm telling you all this preamble because I had not learnt the fact that I cannot do what I used to do without consequences - its a hard lesson the learn and one which I have to think about every day.  Its things like hanging washing on the line I'm unsteady on the feet and feel like I'm going to fall over standing on one spot - bugger this isn't what I had anticipated when I got older - I just thought I would slow down (not actually knowing what that meant in real terms) but it comes with much more vigor and unpredictability.

Typically I looked for instant help and purchased a power fit machine (from the middle of the night on tv) and have been using that - honestly it has helped and my doctor did say it would't affect me too badly and might even do some good.   I feel such a dufus standing on a fast moving platform every day but my legs are certainly stronger and I'm starting to be able to stand up on the platform holding onto the rubber bands you can use for exercise postures - so lets hope this machine works

I haven't ever done anything like this before it made me feel so stupid and idiotic
when I moved the microwave - its so hard to remember that I'm unable to do the things I used to take for granted anymore.  Getting older sucks and I have decided that I'm not going willingly but my life has had to change considerably without my input its just the ways the cookies now crumble

A very old friend called in today (out of the blue) and he has always said I should write more than I do now - he is a very well respected author with over 150 books that he has written on many different subjects.  I've known him for 60 years but we had many years when we only just chatted every now and then.  He is about to go to Los Vegas to run a workshop on writing in early March so I am going to ask him for help with maybe writing a small book.  How to narrow down the subject will be the most difficult thing I feel.  His name is Richard Webster and his books sell quite well all over the world and his is actually quite famous - I just know him as Richard my old friend - how bizarre.  A quick side bar I introduced him to his wife in 1968 in London and they have been together ever since which I think is absolutely wonderful

Getting older is really sucky there are so many things out of your control - so I'm going to try and stop the tide and try my darndest to keep fitter and move more and write better, faster and longer...

Wish me luck guys

60"s  blogging No. 1


I started blogging in 2008 for a little known website and after reading the 60 website within Facebook I decided to try again with some new work and also give a few blogs from those years ago another airing

I saw this week that I am one of many who have grown children who don't speak to their parent/s - I am one of those.   Neither of my children have spoken to me for 9 years and its cruel, sad and daunting

My son and daughter both have busy and fulfilling lives (of which I am extremely proud) but they didn't even tell me that my son got married and that he and his wife have a baby son.  This was especially hurtful and I am still not completely over the crying and general sadness of this

My children are both very high achievers in their respective fields of endeavour and for this I know my upbringing was responsible (I did do some things well and right) anyhow that's what I feel but being a single parent for most of their upbringing I did not know if I was doing anything right at all.  Both children went to daycare whilst I had a busy job/s so I feel guilty that my nurturing was haphazard and possibly not as much time wise as it probably should have been

All I need to know is how they are where they are in life's journey and happy.   This doesn't seem too much to ask but I cannot contact either of them and sometimes I get snippets of information through old friends who know them but its only small and not significant at all.   I worked my butt off during their childhood and spent many long hours endeavouring to feed and clothe them both.   They are 8 years apart so it was 3 tv's in the house and different schools for both of them so I ran around like a stunned mullet most of the time tired and hectic being the norm

The ex husband gave them anything and everything they wanted (not needed, that was my job) but it was often kept at his house so it didn't get to come back with them this I feel now was incredibly cruel and gave them a feeling of a chasm between the households which was definitely not nurturing behaviour

I feel disregarded and useless about the entire situation as I am sure most of you in the same boat feel it is unfair and certainly down right cruel - I feel for you and hope that at some stage the rift might be broken for at least some of us

I emailed my daughter (who is about to turn 42 this year) at her work and she said in a return email 3 weeks later we would liaise this next year (that was before Christmas last year) so here's hoping I get to see her in 2019

Love never stops but sometimes it comes to a screeching halt when you least expect it and not knowing how your children are (no matter the reason for the rift) try and build a bridge to mend the broken fence.

Robyn Berry-Luke
15 January 2019