What is your risk? RESPIRAGENE (TM) A Gene Based Test for Your Sesceptability to Lung Cancer

Blog number 7


Well everyone I have my DNA results........



I do have the gene - and it has taken me a couple of days to get over the surprise I felt finding this out.....I wasn't upset as such, just surprised and disappointed have been not so cavalier since I heard the news and also blogged about my children and had the ire of my daughter's significant other via email today, but so be it.......sent him a reply he won't like lolololol but I'm sorry I meant every word, dude (maybe that was a gut reaction, who knows)!!!

It is inevitable that I will get Lung Cancer if I stay on my current smoking path.....now this is a shock!

I felt up until now unable to self destruct, but know I actually know that I can.....well this is a bit of an awakening for me and I am taking it on board and doing the best I can to come to a good decision and therefore a potential good outcome....its f...ki..g hard though....I'm 59 about to turn 60 in a few weeks and I did want to make older bones.....if I stop smoking now - well I will possibly make the older age group - if I don't maybe not such a great outcome.....and this I HAVE CONTROL OVER.....yes I actually do!!!!!!!!!!! my little grey cells have gone into hyperdrive and I'm still thinking hard on what to do....BUT - it is very simple I STOP SMOKING....but how, how, how and when and why and all the shiiiiiit that goes with this - have I got the bottle to do it? Do I have the guts to quit and stop smoking for the rest of my life ( I have used it as such a crutch and think its my only one....lol don't like booze and other substances....so its cold turkey for me ) how deluded I am....hey I'm human and have frailities and sometimes find the hard yards just that HARD......like us all. I now have the information so now I can make an informed decision, yeah rite! now I just have to DO IT....YES DO IT S T O P the smoking, just stop it!!!!!!!

Okay some ideas here peeps - what do I do instead of it, indeed do I need to do anything or do I just bite the bullet? Please some feedback required here - I am alone in this and know I have to make the decision but.....yes but, its not that easy I'm finding it hard and I'm also very sad and want to quit - maybe a path to the hypnotherapist and take the patches and do the drill....it will work, I have to be positive.



I am going to type up for you some of the items on the score sheet and then a blog about the most recent update on the research plus type a sheet I got with the results.....



RESPIRAGENE*

Thank you for your interest in the Respiragene test.

The lung cancer risk test (Respiragene), identifies smokers and ex smokers at greatest risk of getting lung cancer compared to the average smoker. This test has been developed by comparing genetic and clinical factors between people who have smoked a minimum of 20 cigarettes per day for 20 years and who have either been diagnosed with lung cancer or who have been shown to have no evidence of significant lung damage.

The Respiragene test is a test of susceptibility or risk of future lung cancer and on this basis is not a diagnostic test. This test is most appropriate for chronic smokers (current and/or ex smokers). The Respiragene test is not recommended for life long non smokers or people considering taking up smoking.

The cost of the test in New Zealand is (XXXXXXXXX) For further information we recommend you visit the website http://www.synergenz.com

If you would like to purchase this test, please provide your mailing address and a Respiragene kit will be mailed to you. You will be required to complete the enclosed Respiragene request form and return it with your swabs and payment before testing will be completed. Please discuss with your GP if this test is suitable for you.


Note: peeps - blocked out the cost for those of you who are not in New Zealand but will say here that it has been made extremely inexpensive for us locals and can be taken via New Zealand but the cost is sorted per individuals country of origin. Please remember that this test here in New Zealand is in my view much more clincially relevant and it is far more precise than those available currently overseas it is far more accurate - take note of this guys.........


My score sheet has.....(OMG)!


Lung Cancer susceptibility score: Robyn Berry-Luke

Lung cancer risk score HIGH RISK (4-5)

Your score when aged 60: VERY HIGH RISK (6 plus)


In addition to smoking, the risk of lung cancer is further increased by

genetic factors
how much you smoked
age
COPD

Respiragene Test* identifies those at greatest risk based on the above factors.

Life-long Smoker - has on average a 1 in 10 (10%) lifetime chance of getting lung cancer.

Non-smoker - has on average a 1 in 200 (0.5%) lifetime chance of getting lung cancer.



Then there is a graph in the middle within which I have a green luminescent star at high risk and a bubble in red that goes upwards in the 6 or more area - very high risk........I can't scan this to put in here but will when I finally get the equipment necessary up and running I will put it in here for you all to see......





Now for the update:


Respiragene (TM) Research Update

Prepared by Dr Robert Young

Chief Scientific Officer - Synergenz BioScience Ltd.
Associate Professor of Medicine and Molecular Medicine
School of Biological Sciences, University of Auckland


Summary

A recently published study by independent researchers from the NIH (Sanderson, et al, Cancer Epidemiology, Biomarkers & Prevention)[1] has highlighted current smokers' interest in, and responsiveness to, genetic information allows them to better understand their personal risk of developing lung cancer. The study also found that such knowledge of "increased lung cancer risk my increase uptake of effective smoking cessation services". The study surveyed a relatively small group of people (N=44) and it used a single genetic marker that provides relatively weak association with disease. However, I believe it strongly supports our views that smokers are interested in [2], and benefit from, taking gene-based risk tests for lung cancer [3]. Equally, the study found that no patient harm was identified from the testing process.

Abstract: http://cebp.aacrjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/1055-9965.EPI-08-0520v1

The findings of this study support those of a previously published randomised control trial using the same gene based risk test for lung cancer susceptibility (CM McBride et al, 2002), where smoking quit rates were improved by 1.5-2 fold in those getting the genetic test in addition to a counselling based programme [3].


Emerging Trend

The Sanderson study is consistent with a strengthening trend in the scientific literature in this field. A brief summary of the scientific literature to date includes the following points.

1. Between 80%-90% of smokers are interested in knowing their genetic predisposition for lung cancer (Ostroff and Sanderson have both showed this)
2. Fear of lung cancer is the most cited reason smokers quit [4].
3. Despite the well publicised link between smoking and lung cancer, over 50% of smokers do not think they are personally at risk of lung cancer.
4. Smokers taking genetic risks tests for lung cancer are not de-motivated from trying to quit (this article [1] and work we have submitted for publication confirms this). To date, dta shows that testing improves motivation to quit.
5. The significant drop in smoking prevalence in the 1960s followed widely published links between smoking and lung cancer (long before public health) measure were instituted) and the recent drop in coronary mortality has come, to a large degree, from widespread uptake of individualised coronary heart risk assessment and risk reduction with effective treatments.

These conclusions come from published research and should counter the views, primarily taken by non-smokers, that people smoking today are (a.) not interested in learning their personal risk or (b.) not able to be helped through the personalised engagement and treatment approaches prompted by Respiragene (TM) (which are comparable to those that have helped reduce heart disease mortality). Put simply, until governments ban or regulate the sales of tobacco, public health measures alone will not be sufficient to change the attitudes of smokers today - something new is needed to augment existing public health messages.

While non-smokers believe lung cancer is due to smoking, they don't know that they carry 'lung cancer' related genes that are never "expressed" or realised in the absence of smoking exposure. Smokers, on the other thand understand that genetic factors largely explain why only 10%-15% of smokers get lung cancer. This highlights the point that smokers actually understand gene-environment risks better than non-smokers (see Ostroff comments in linked article:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090630132003.htm)


My comment: "The view depends on which window you're looking out from".




Now I am going to stop typing here and put the rest of the update later or tomorrow I will try and scan it as its a table and its a bugger to type......but can do it.....only trouble is I read as I type and the subject matter has gotten to me big time.....hehehhee



See you all later


I know, I know - I have made my decision, but I now have to implement it.......lololol




Nite all....





...

BLOGGING its fun its futuristic its fantastic its .......

Whooping cough and the blues...


Well peeps I have been too unwell to blog. What a statement! My Whooping cough is whooping me big time...I don't remember ever having anything so debilitating, but its mine and I own it and I will take the hard yards and move on

I have missed my blogging and I haven't had an opportunity to actually do anything much except heal my body and mind. It is interesting to find that a bug can make you totally nuts and sick at the same time. What a shitty thing to get at my age, or in fact any age, its a pandemic here and I'm totally sick of it. I have had it for over two and a half months and I have been told I've got a least another month to go...bugger!!!

I have the Pelican Brief playing in the background and enjoying just sitting here at the computer and mucking about. Not much of a blog for you guys...I've been happy to just be quiet and even quieter except for my hacking cough and it didn't help any to look up the Mayo Clinic and find out all the ginny on the Whooping cough...it makes your chest and neck sore and I feel bad......poor lil ol me...moi is sick

Exciting times this a.m. went to see the peeps who found the genetic code for DNA and lung cancer I had my DNA test and the results will be forthcoming soonish....I find it interesting that I don't mind the outcome (mind you this is before I find out if I do have the gene) may be different if I do have it and that will be another ball game.....it was so easy and fast just a swab of each cheek and its done. Do feel that a good thing is about to be found out...I like positive information it gives you the wherewithal to make a decision. Now I am a smoker, a dedicated one, and I am wondering how I will actually feel about all this when I have the facts in hand. Maybe I won't be so cavalier when I know....time will tell.

Always have been a person who pursues things and I also have been able to accept and acknowledge bad as well as good things in my life...maybe I am just stupid and don't react as I should but I take things on the chin and try and make the best of all situations and make an informed decision. So much for my truths - this past few weeks have been interestingly awful and I have reassessed my bahaviour and demeanor and find that I actually am reasonably mature, in years as well as mind, and have a good healthy attitude towards most things. I trust I am open minded and do look at issues and my life openly. Others I have found do not.....

They are close minded and in total denial....this I find very sad and even older more mature friends of friends are still being denied a good and full life because of issues they do not deal with full on....they deny all sorts of small things and it looks to me that their lives are not good because of it. I am referring also to a phenomenon called lying by omission....this was to be a total blog but its depressing so its a para in this one..... OMISSION of the relevant literal facts and by not giving these the person hearing the story is unable to make an informed decision because the crux of the matter is not told....this is stupidity of the highest degree in my book...it is one thing to lie about a situation but its totally another not to give the correct facts to a friend, whomever, the information given is only part of the truth...this is just not on. I have been on the end of this a couple of times lately and it sucks.

Knowing the facts is important even if it isn't what you want to know or to hear but if someone wants your help its not a good idea not to let them know the entire story. People going off half cocked is wrong and its a silly and bad idea as friends and people become very upset when they find out the truth. I lost a new friend this week simply because he didn't tell me the entire truth of a matter that was important to me, this he knew and didn't give me the total truth...for this I am saddened and he no longer is going to be a friend. What he didn't tell me is irrelevant here for you peeps but for me it was an omission that could not be forgiven....and I'm not a hard head either...it wasn't nice....mmmmm give me the facts as I would give you and we can talk about the issue and work out a strategy to fix it....don't give me hot air and no facts I felt stupid and uninformed....something I don't care for at all....enuf said

Now an update on the insurance and drunks.......as I live in a Housing New Zealand home they are responsible for the maintenance of this premises and I cannot get the hole in the wall fixed, HNZ have to fix it for me and my Insurance Company will assist me only if I am asked to pay for the damage the plumber/drunk/not a friend person did here....the blood on the coverings of the chairs they will fix,,,,,,omg, what a mess this guy should get a life and I'm now not a happy camper!!!! he will also be chased to pay for the damage etc. etc. what a mess.........yet another bungling human that won't accept his fate and acknowledge that he has a problem of a large magnitude that has affected his family and friends and acquaintances - me I have learnt a big lesson and won't be helping him or anyone like him for a long time...it is too hard and I don't need the grief.....drinking, drunks and damage just a big 'D' for disappointment and disaster - wow I'm moving on at a great rate and leaving very little behind me now.......omg hehe

Going to leave you all now and come back later to talk about anything as I'm not circulating around and can't be bothered to think deeply about my favourite topic the U.S. of A. which saddens me but I'm too bloody sick....I want this W C gone.......

Take care out there peeps and enjoy your lives and make a difference


Best regards

Robyn the cough.....!!!



.....

YOSMITE, RENO, DONNER PASS, LAKE TAHOE, CALIFORNIA at its best

Back again dudes....and dude'ess

I'm going to tell you a story of 1960 and 1961 in California and then we will move to Arizona, but first - wait there's more.....

I ate my first McDonalds in Los Angeles in 1961 (don't look this up..lol) I might be wrong but I remember it being a burger bar and certainly not the mega enterprise it is now - don't forget though this is many many years ago. I ate a quarter pounder with cheese and guess what I had today - a quarter pounder with cheese, fries and a diet coke....still tastes the same and I enjoy every single one I have ever eaten...they are kewl!!!!! I also ate McDonalds pancakes and syrup yesterday I'm going to be a big fat pig very soon, but I don't care....well yes I do actually, but I'm working it all off typing like the wind and moving my lips to the beat of my typing....I learnt to type by music wearing a bib...but I digress -

California is the most wonderful place - I will wax lyrical at this point - it is many countries wrapped into one - golden California though is the best way to describe it. The golden grass has a colour all its own it is muted but bright and Oh so lovely. It makes for a beautiful look and is a backdrop for a great State.

I think though there are some wonderful things that should be mentioned places that defy explanation. Donner Pass - now I was there when it was snowing and it was 4 feet of snow in the morning it was white, pristine and cold but refreshing and it was my first taste of snow. I have had many snowy experiences but this was my first and I went bezerk....totally bezerk!!!!!!!!!! lolololol

It was crisp and white and sounded like thunder when I walked and ran thruogh it....didn't know that the ground underneath was different heights but who cares at 9 years old...I just adored it. For those who do not know Donner Pass was the only Pass that those going to California (out West) were able to take their wagons over the Sierra Nevada...it is a very special place....

My mother's friends had driven us there and because of the snow we were unable to leave until the plough had been through. As it was a very very little place then (don't know about now) it took hours and hours so I just went blue and got very wet and didn't end up with a chill because I didn't stop....running, jumping, doing angels (before they were cool) and generally had a ball. We were staying in a motel...now let me tell you about American motels....

They all look the same, have the same signs (different names) but all the signs are noisy and crackle. This is a fact, no matter where you are in the U.S.A. the motel signs crackle, they burp and carry on something wicked....lol Also adding in here they used to smell the same, slightly tobaccoish with a slight smell of sweat..ewww I can remember all the motel rooms I have been in with the same bad wooden headboards and the fluffy counterpanes...not a good look, prefer now something along the lines of Hiltons...only

The motels themselves (and I have seen lots of movies with them featured since I was in my last American one) don't seem to have changed that much. They are maybe two storied - in my day they were only one story - and Holiday Inns were double storied...but they were the same no matter where we went.

This little journey covered the wonderful Lake Tahoe and Reno and Donner Pass plus I will tell you about staying in the old hotel at Yosmite Valley....what a place awe inspiring peaks and a long green valley

In my minds eye the hotel was enormous with huge rooms and windows to die for....the dining room was capable of seating I'm sure 500 people and it was totally full. There was a huge fireplace on one side made of stone (boulders I learn't 30 years later when I did interior designing (how posh is that not really though by today's standards) and the decor was certainly Native American with overtones of Spanish and French...but it worked - when you are nine it doesn't matter it just looked f...ing good, huge and big with lots of brown and yellow and red, also leather furniture in the lobby, big and bold stuff from memory

We of course weren't told about the special effect that happened when it got dark as our friends wanted us to see for ourselves the awesome and spectacular event.....those of you who have seen what I am about the explain know how wonderous and astonishing it actually is......

Going for a coffee and a flex of the fingers....brb



An enormous fire is built on the top of an excruciatingly tall bulbous rock formation and this fire is tended all day to get it to the stage when it is blazing and they push it over the edge....well I can remember the goosebumps I got when I saw everyone stand up and look out the windows towards the spectacular fall of embers and fire and I imagine as it was so far away bloody big logs which were all blazing, but by the time they hit the valley (which is a considerable distance down) they I think are just ash....this spectacular event is every night and I heard from the friend of a friend who has recently been there that it still is performed....wow nice to think that there are some things that havn't changed over time.....thank God....!!!!!

This friend of a friend did also say that they stayed in a motel and that there were lots of buildings but when I was there I can only remember a camping site and the hotel...must have been eons ago that I was there - yeah rite!!!! I'm turning 60 soon and I can't believe it I'm still feeling about 12 years old, especially when I am typing in here and remembering the gorgeous times I had. Yosmite Valley is a stop for EVERYONE - IT IS AWESOME - if you ever get the opportunity to go there stay in the hotel (if it still exists) must Google it - I will do that after this blog if written - and drive along the Truckie River and - hang on - might be another river - might have that wrong...anyhoo - we did go for a walk the next morning but were told to keep to the road and not go off it....Now my mother is a hiker (sorri was) no longer on the planet, she is keeping me company like she does every night here on the computer but she is in a lovely wooden box and is ashes...now how creepy is that peeps?

Not creepy at all for me...she was my best friend and will be always. Must put her ashes in the golden and floral urn (Chinese ginger jar) that I purchased years ago...just can't seem to do that part....lol I opened a business a few years ago and took her out of my bedroom draw and she has been out ever since.....I put flowers and bows on her box and she joined in the party....I'm if nothing else happy to include everyone in my events and outings....lol p.s. she was in the kitchen on top of the microwave and nobody knew who/what she was....thank goodness - I'm known as eccentric but I understand that might have been a little insane....hehe

I digress.....having a ciggy and a coffee and now going to gulp down a small bottle of diet coke, need the eenees....caffeine, nicotine etc....to keep going......want to do a significant blog tonight.....

Well that was a little redundant...I had the coffee then the ciggy and of course still have the Whooping Cough so coughed my guts up and now feel like I have had a total workout, but that's a good thing...lololol

Driving in California was kewl except that mum ended up screaming all the time and gasping furiously whilst Fred or Fran was driving as she was in the passenger seat in the Yanky car but it was a driving seat for her here in N.Z. this is awful I remember having to tell her on a number of occasions - yelling, I am good at that, move over we are on the wrong side of the road.....hehehe this I still remember when I go down a one way street.....yet again I digress!!!

Lake Tahoe was beautiful dark green and all the fir trees were lovely right down to the sides of the lake and you have to see this for yourselves green trees to the edge of a lake - just thought of Johnny Depp in Secret Window...don't know why but he lived in an area I think close to a lake and it reminded me of it.....Lake Tahoe that is....

Now for an exciting different area in California the Sequoia Park - home of the Redwood Trees.... (sp might be wrong) but at the pace I type I dont' give a damn...these trees are magnificent and reminded me of our Kauri Trees here in New Zealand, they are as old and huge...I mean HUGE, they can take a car through the middle and I've walked on top of one and walked underneath them and walked on the wonderful spongy ground around them with the needles and they smell good.....what is this tonight with me about smell......mmmmmm I know the black cat is still around and when I went out to do the shopping tonight at 10.30 p.m. he came in and sprayed....ewwww yucky little F...k..r???? My townhouse smelt like a sewer he has to go....and I mean Go Go GO GO GO....why hasn't that happened? Will check it out later today.....

I remembered I didn't finish about the Yosmite walk....now we didn't know that bears lived in this forest...lol and when we were about 500 yards from the entrance to the hotel a bear popped up about 50 feet away and our friends high tailed it back toward the hotel...now my mum (totally fearless) decided that a closer look would be a good idea, well thanks to another bear appearing and making a large growl sound she changed her mind and walked briskly back to our friends who were hovering behind a car...good idea I thought....and I still do, bears and I don't mix...will tell you the story of the pies soon.....

I'm actually tired and had enough of my day its now 1.30 a.m. and I'm going to bed....nite all

Wish you every single one of you a fantastic day today wherever you are in the world and I wish for no more killing or deaths its got to stop.....enough of world politics

Goodnight from me and its goodnight from him






.....

"ODE TO OBAMA"

C H A N G E


Changes never before seen in our world need addressing now Mr President


Heartfelt knowlege that you possess is being used for motiviation to change


Admiration for your consumate use of power not being judgemental and aware of our needs


Now we can wait and watch you work your miracles to change the world into a better place for us to live


Get up and go never before seen in a President


Everything our world needs in a great package of knowledge and harmony metered out with kindness and thought


Thank you Barak Obama for being the right man for the job at hand, change is so needed now for our society to survive we require a leader of your standard to take us into the next phase.......


My best wishes to you and your family

Kind regards

Your Magic Blogger

Robyn Berry-Luke
Auckland, New Zealand



......"the right man for the right job"

GENETIC PRE DISPOSITION TO LUNG CANCER

Blog number 6


Tonight I had a telephone call from Auckland Hospital with an AMAZING new Respiratory Genetic questionnaire...... I am totally blown away (pardon the pun)....

Raewyn asked me numerous questions all of which I was so pleased to answer and hear, they are covering an area that has been in desperate need of a big and I mean big TWEET peeps..... Doctor Robert Young a General Surgeon and Respiratory Geneticist..(sp) is conducting a new survey on genetics and smoking....what a blast, I am as I said totally blown away (no pun intended).....

One of the questions was: Would I be prepared to take a genetic test to see if I was likely to have the gene that would give me Lung Cancer? -- my answer in a heartbeat was YES - I would and from this I deem that maybe the world is finally going to find OUT IF WE CAN SMOKE - SOME OF US ONLY - AND NOT NECESSARILY HAVE A PRE DISPOSITION TO LUNG CANCER , COPD, EMPHASEMA ETC......

ROCK ON WITH THIS TEST......YES I feel everyone should be able to have it, I do know that it is already available from Australia for $50 NZ but I havn't had the money to have it done... They send a swab from inside your mouth to Brisbane in Australia and your genetic code is analysed -  what a call

IRONY, IRONIC....OMG OMG OMG


S.M.O.K.E. - maybe we can come out of the closet and maybe the Tobacco Companies (this is my tweet on them) could start to stop S T O P putting in the toxic chemicals into the tobacco - there are Gods in the heavens shining down on me now...and hopefully on an entire generation now and those to come in the future......WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Raewyn and I discussed and I answered questions on things like why I smoke...what does it do for me....etc.etc.

The questionnaire was explicit and had a good bite to it with a lot of depth I want to thank the person who wrote it - it was AWESOME covered all the gremlins that I have about my own smoking kewl and I am sure will go to assist many new young people who will start smoking no matter WHAT information or advertising or ASH does out there...........


I am about to Google Dr Robert Young (now of course here I have to mention that this name brought back memories like you wouldn't believe) the actor Robert Young was my mothers favourite actor she adored him and of course he was the consummate doctor on television for many many years in America......you look it up peeps???????





Put in the following for Google (I'm not going to list the sites they are many and various) but will tweet a couple of them onto Twitter I put in

"young,robert,doctor/medicine/genetics/new zealand/genes got a plethora of answers with heaps of articles and information that is WONDERFUL..... been reading for over an hour and am wrapped with his work and I again can say I am blessed to have been chosen to participate.........


Bloody Hell - I feel like the dog in the tv advert that misses the back of the truck and says "BUGGER" will find out a link to this advert it is a classic.......

I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANSICO HIGH ABOVE THE BAY?

Been sitting in front of the computer screen thinking about San Francisco and humming that song - "I left my heart in San Francisco high above the bay"

I will always remember the first time I walked through Union Square there were pigeons everywhere and an elderly man sitting on a park bench was feeding them bread, they were flying in from all the buildings around the square and it was amazing to watch. (There is that word again 'amazing') seem to use it all the time but it is the best descriptive word I can think of

We were standing opposite I Magnum looking towards Blums and the Macy's entrance it will always been etched in my mind as the sun was warm and inviting the pigeons by this stage had settled on the ground and everyone seemed happy, now at 8 years old everyone does seem happy or just bad, one or the other nothing in between. I will mention here that we had walked out of our hotel in Geary Street and gone across the crossing - I have always had a fear of crossing roads (even now) from the accident my confidence has always been nil where it comes to streets, especially busy ones. You should see me taking off across Ponsonby Road here in Auckland - bit deep breath and then I launch out like a maniac and being a lady don't run, but go at a great rate of knots to get to the other side as soon as possible.....lol

Mum and I must have walked hundreds of thousands of miles in our years away from New Zealand but we walked most of all in San Francisco and London. S.F. was wonderful to walk around and also there was the added bonus of the cable cars going up the hills, God they are steep and the one's without steps are just bloody

Used to love driving in Fred's car going down with the pitch of the road and then the cross section one which is flat and then down again the car seemed to launch out over the edge and then fall down at a great rate which was almost I might surmise the same as a G force in a plane

Now close to us at the Franciscan was Woolworths on the corner of Powell and Market on the harbour side (sorri harbor)... we used to go their first as they sold I think what you call bear claws - pastry with an orange glaze they were absolutely wonderful - my mouth is watering as I'm typing....Oh they were huge so we used to only get one (can't remember how much they were though) but I can remember the taste...awesome!!!

In the walk down from Geary to Market on the left side of the street was a cigar making shop with a guy working in a window - half open - a hot sugar and peanut making shop (trying to remember the name of the candy) mmm - Oh got it peanut brittle - a steak house (that I still covet to this day) and then Woolies.... Of course this was a daily tour/routine and then we would out of the donut area and launch into Market Street. Usually turning left and walk down to a large Hotel on the other side of the road about 3 blocks down. Can't remember the name to type it here but it was the hotel with the Russian Tea Room in it. What a place....full of palms and lovely white linen and smelt of warm toast

We would walk down as far as we could looking into the windows and then come back and have a hot chocolate for me and a coffee for Mum, we didn't have much money so only had the 'tea' about once every two months

Then back up to Joseph Magnum on the corner in Market Street and (?) one I don't remember the name of....City of Paris was on the top corner opposite the square, we used to get up the ire of the policeman sitting on the top of an awning with a loud hailer and he would spew forth would the woman and the girl not jay walk - use the crossing.......he did this every day as my Mother wasn't going to do anything she didn't want to....lol Wow into Joseph Magnum's shoe department - this is where I would cringe - there was a guy who worked there (probably about mid 30's) who wore a brown suit - will never ever forget him - he smelt funny and would be very good at fitting mother's shoes and then he would turn to me and smile - now I haven't ever seen this smile since and he would put his hands on the back of my calves and give me the total sh....ts....... and mumble things like you are nearly old enough to be my wife....Now let me say here that my mum was sitting right next to me and she was so focused on her own feet and shoes that she Never Ever Hear this guy....I used to have a panic attack every time we went in there, which was about once a week. Do you think she would listen to me I tried to tell her as best I could how I felt but she totally disregarded me and for this I am not a happy camper....he every now and then he comes into a nightmare and I can feel the creepy hands on my legs...ewwwwww.....eewwwww....... and I still haven't worked out after all these years what he smelt of....mmmmmm eewwwww again.....!!!!!! ug and men in brown suits should just disappear off the face of the earth...the hairs on my neck are now up like a cats!!!

Sundays were special we would go to the top restaurant in the Sir Francis Drake and the chefs used to cook eggs 'over easy' right there in front of you what a sight this little pan full of butter with two eggs bubbling Oh just bliss - then the view was pretty damn good as well and always busy - we went about 10 a.m. and to this day I still get hungry around that time and as its morning tea here, I eat - often an egg poached (better for me) on a crumpet...see the programming is so in there

Then off up the hill via the cable car to The Fairmont and the other one on the other corner - which had a Scottish bar full of tartan in it...can't remember its name and I googled the other day and panned everywhere we used to walk it was AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING - except lots of things had changed well it is 52 years ago.....just a wee few years - nice to know that many things though are still the same. The wonderful restaurant under the Fairmont in California St. with the water/pool in the middle and dining all around it - wonder what its called, it is still there....kewl

Into the Fairmont all red and lovely carpets, very busy pattern on the floor though!!! We met Andy Williams one night whilst in the bar outside the conference room where he as singing omg - he was such a short guy and had makeup on....well he could sing like an angel though...lol didn't get his autograph he only stopped in the bar to have a glass of water before his show and mum said hello....ever so posh like and he looked at us (mother and daughter with hats on.....) and said where are you two from.....then we said New Zealand and he smiled and said maybe one day I'll go there - have to go singing now.....mmmmm kewl Used to watch him on t.v. heaps with the Osmond kids memories omg memories......now I have moon river going through my head....bugger!!!

Just had a thought - but its gone.....where the hell did it go...anyway, got it....most of this stuff I'm spewing can be verified probably on the net the dates Andy sang at the Fairmont in 1959....can't be bothered checking myself though

Now I remember the smell down at Fisherman's Wharf those crabs cooking in the big pots (do they still do that I wonder) and then we would go to Tarantinos and sit and eat crab with butter and it was ambrosic....would always have rocqufort (sp) dressing (blue cheese) on my salad actually more dressing than salad and I still eat salad the same way none of that yucky french stuff for me a good old fashioned mayo or (I make up a blue cheese dressing myself) for eating with my lettuce - has to be heart though and lots of pepper and tomatoes.....mmmm yummy. Have an old menu from Tarantinos and I look at it every now and then just for posterity's sake.

The Golden Gate park, what can I say - the Japanese Tea House the aquarium and the area outside where we watched lots of things over the years - ballet, shakespeare and music....during the day and at nights (thinking of that movie with the hispanic girl and blond dude) The Wedding Planner when they are in this area listening to music....omg it took me back. Then all the lovely old red buildings - can see them in my minds eye as I'm typing. For those of you who haven't been to S.F. google and have a ball and remember me......and my mum we walked every inch of the place....wouldn't go on the bus see other blog.....made me angry

Mother went out one night (without me cry cry cry) only time she didn't take me in S.F. I stayed with the consulate general's wife - she went to Bimbo's 365 club and saw Gypsy Rose Lee....sorry I missed it but was far too young - a couple of friends from New Zealand were in S.F. and they had a dinner party there have the photograph of the night....Johnny Cave his wife Elsie and about 10 other people.......hehe.   Did have a menu but its gotten lost over these years.....gone bye a long time ago now

Getting a little tired its 1.31 a.m. so will have to make this a two parter but China Town - wow ordering chinese food by a number kewl and Trader Vic's think it is still there - remembered their Butterfly chicken with pineapple and that they had shrunken heads from New Zealand on their walls, which made us creep out but others not so much....they didn't have friends who were Maori, we did

Will go into across the Golden Gate to Ross etc. next blog and expand a little from downtown

Nice chatting with you - God I have a lot to say....and I can't believe I can remember so much, thank goodness I'm off the mental health drugs for the past 23 years or so I haven't remembered anything including if I had gone to the toilet or not....that is how much they suppressed my brain and body...well no more all gone g o n e gone


Night all

Hotels I adore them - spent a lifetime in them as well. American one's are the best?

Now I finished off in California in the last blog at the St. Franciscan Hotel which was just behind the St. Francis. Where we were was an old hotel with large rooms each had a bathroom and there were lots of long staying guests who all sat in the lobby and watched t.v.

We were on the 11th floor - this is not a problem normally except moi had nerves of jelly (jello) and couldn't go up nor down in a lift so I very quickly became fit as I walked up and down 11 (actually 22) flights of stairs at least twice if not up to as many as five/six times a day. Sometimes my mother would just come down or up with me in the lift she had to hold my hand (she did a lot of hand holding over the years) as I used to watch t.v. with the other long staying guests. I remember one program about Hong Kong (in black and white) starring an Australian actor who played a police person (can't remember his name at the moment) but I do remember he had an incident on an aircraft flight to Australia from California and everyone around him was given free flights to where - ever as he was so objectionable. He has long since passed away......mmm still can't remember - can visualise the face though. Oh he was in 'The Birds' with that lovely blonde woman. In that movie they have a shot in a local pet store in S.F. and I used to go there every day to check on the various animals...so the name

I have had a lifetime t.v. fetish (yes I call it that...lol) I am currently blogging and listening to Monk...whom I find fascinating he is a little like me slightly touched....it as you all have read started on the ship - that big box!!!

Also over the years it has (t.v. that is) been used as a baby sitter for me for hours and hours and hours as my mother was an older mum she had me when she was 46 and her and her friends would be partying on down and I would be shoved in front of the t.v. hence knowing so much about the 60's and what was played over the air waves...pulling on my hard drive I think we have the English to thank for t.v. it was produced just after the second world war....enough of that history...hehe more about moi..........lol

Now this sitting in the lobby and watching t.v. also started a lifelong people watching mode which I thoroughly enjoy and will just go out to sit and watch the world go by. There were three older persons and I mean in their 80's and two younger men (don't know maybe 30ish) who were always talking and watching this lobby t.v. I decided that I wanted to be like one of these older women and look like her when I was her age...Now it could be said that I have their ages totally wrong they may have only been in their 50's or 60's but God help me they seemed bloody old and decrepit. There was this one women who always looked immaculate with no hairs out of place, painted nails and beautiful makeup - not a lot but everything colour coded and well put together, she also had a french roll in her hair which had the pins perfectly in line and the same distance apart.....kewl eh?

Now at the moment I am suffering from Whooping cough...still around and making me feel really unwell, but when we were in this hotel we both contracted the Asian Flu during its first epidemic I can remember how horrible I felt, both my mother and I were so sick we couldn't go out to eat and there were others in the hotel in the same boat so the young man who was the bag boy...ran errands for us all. This also became very difficult as we didn't have any money - remember the monetary difficulties ex New Zealand...well we ran out we were both very sick and no food and nothing to drink other than tap water. We had a couple of sticks of gum and we chewed these lovelies for two days plus only drank water. In the meantime the Consulate was endeavouring to obtain more money for us but they were finding it impossible to organise...so this I think is the point at which money, food and I parted company and ever since then its been a problem. We were both so sick than we couldn't walk to the bathroom and had to literally crawl backwards and forwards to the toilet. Will just mention a little side bar here....

In S.F. there are often and I mean often slight tremors and I remember being unsteady on my feet and thinking that while I was cleaning my teeth I was going to fall over but actually it was a tremor and we did get used to them eventually.  These tremors just became part of the every day world - not even a worry

Now the cooking when we did have food was interesting as I said there was a little one element stove on a bench with a small sink about 6 inches by 6 inches in size and a very tiny little frig in this nook...we used to heat lots of one pot meals, still not that into baked beans thanks to this culinary feasting via the cupboard but I'm into toast so that was always a last resort. Boy am I a quick draw mcgraw!!! I can toast over a fixed element with my fingers no tongs required - I had to learn this trick as we didn't have tongs and a fork through the bread only heated up and burnt me..hehe

I have fingers like a chef can lift hot stuff out of anything...have been known to burn myself though if I don't concentrate on it totally in other words totally focus or your cooked, literally

Just before I finish up I would like to make a comment on segregation...we lived in it, with it, around it and it totally SUCKED we came from a country where our brown people (Maori) were treated equally and came into a city where when you got on the bus the black people had to either stand up or get off so that we could sit down or stand in the bus....this I remember being the MOST horrific and ikky thing I have ever had to do. My mother and I would walk for miles because of this....and I have always been adamant that no one, and I say no one, should be discriminated against at any level, of any colour, race,creed or religion - it should never ever happen, but of course it does still to this day and I am appalled with every single one of them

PTSD - lifelong affects California 1959

Now in my last blog about California I alluded to an incident - well here is the gist of it.....

The night before we were to leave to come back to New Zealand on the Mariposa we had to stay in a motel in San Jose (just out of San Francisco) as the children of our friends had measles and I hadn't had them so they thought it best for us to stay overnight and then be collected in the morning and then be taken into San Francisco to the ship.

We arrived at this motel 'Ricky's Studio Inn' in Palo Alto and what a shambles ensued. We booked in and then took ourselves (mother and I) into the lift which was really cool a glass one on the outside of the motel going up to the 3rd floor to our room. The lift stuck between the lobby and the first floor and then the saga begins.....

It was July 1959 extremely hot and there was no air in the lift after about 10 minutes as the sun was shining and the air-conditioning didn't work unless the lift was working. We were stuck inside like fish in a bowl with another lady who started to hyperventilate and my mother got her to sit down and tried to calm her down...this didn't happen as she had a panic attack - so we are stuck inside the lift with no air, about 120 degrees and rising and with a woman who was flipping out.

On the outside in the Lobby people were trying the organize the opening of the lift doors but they were firmly stuck because of the lack of air inside and the vacuum it was causing. It was so hot in there I can still remember how awful it felt and every now and then (even 52 years later) can totally go into that space and flip out myself. Typically they called the police and a fire crew who endeavored to get us out. They didn't want us to sue them (we did this is another blog) so they were working very hard and very fast to organize an exit.

We were actually stuck inside for over 1 and a half hours and in the end we were almost comatose and starting to become very unwell. In the meantime outside in the lobby the service crews were trying to fix the lift and had gone down the service man hole and were working on the electrics. They were unable to break the windows of the lift as it was brand new and had very thick glass.......only been in two outside glass lifts in my life since...wonder why lollollol

Finally the doors were prized open and we were helped out by two firemen and one policeman. We were being assisted across the lobby and I was holding my mother's hand. We were half way to the seats and I disappeared down into the man hole. I fell down 16 feet into the service hole as the lid had not been put back properly by the crew and the lid also fell on top of me. On the way down I took off my nose on the metal steps (I can remember them as I fell) and landed in the bottom and then the lid fell on top of me. This lid was heavy and tiled as the lobby was black and white ceramic tiles which I had noticed was very pretty never going to have a black and white floor in any house of mine..hehehehe

My mother was at the top of the service hole screaming down at me and the policeman leapt down and pulled the lid off me. Now I can remember exactly what was inside this area to this day! I looked around it wasn't very big maybe 6ft by 8ft???? I didn't feel bad I just felt very heavy and the policeman lifted me out by taking me up with a fireman's lift. There was an absolute shambles at the top when he lifted me out and I must have looked absolutely awful my mother nearly fainted as my nose was missing (pushed up onto my forehead) and the was significant bleeding (blood everywhere not only on my face and head but also on my legs) I had broken my femur and it was protruding through the skin. This for me wasn't that traumatic, all I wanted to see was my face and no one would get a mirror. I had seen the horror on my mothers face and wanted to see what she was seeing. I remember asking many times for this over the next few hours but they wouldn't show me as the bone was protruding out and there was no skin over it. My leg had been up behind me and was badly broken. I have in my own home always had heaps of mirrors and I know there is a fundamental issue with them......

The policeman I wrote to for 15 years after this incident and he died in 1974 he retired from the force in 1961 Mick Fendonson I think, I will always be grateful to him for his help and his calm and amazing demeanor it was so bizarre he was so calm and everyone else was totally flipping out. By this stage the ambulance had arrived but they wouldn't take me as we didn't have insurance and according to the driver we were also aliens and therefore non transportable. Now I remember my mother walking up to this man and saying the following about 3 inches from his face...'if you don't take my daughter to the hospital NOW IMMEDIATELY I will put a Maori hoodoo on you that will kill you and yours for eternity' OMG this is etched in my brain and how she got it out I don't know. Trauma at this level is such an amazing thing....you have total control but no control at all.

The driver of the ambulance flinched and mumbled something - don't know what - but they put me in the back of the ambulance and we took off with the siren going full bore. Nowadays I don't flinch when I hear a similar siren but for a long time I would tremble when I heard one. Very pleased that sirens are also different sounding now.!!!!!!

The nearest hospital was the Palo Alto Medical Center attached to the Stamford University. It was their training hospital and a state of the art facility but reasonably old. They backed into the bay and just as the doors opened out walked two doctors who were going home from their shift. They overheard my mother talking and because of her accent walked over and asked if we needed help? Mother said that we were from New Zealand and that she needed help with me as I was at that point starting to lose so much blood that I was evidently at deaths door, this I was told some months later.

Doctors Mark Granis and William Fielder (their names are etched in my brain as well) took the gurney from the medic and ran me inside to the trauma center. At this point I think I was reasonably together and asking lots of questions the main one being I want a mirror.........now please?? I wanted to see what had happened.

Dr William Fielder had been in New Zealand during the war and he was a plastic surgeon and Mark Granis was a bone guru. Fancy out of all the world finding these two men in all this panic in America at the same time in the same place....there is a God!!!!

Now because of my injuries they were unable to give me any pain medication and from that point on in my life I have watched so many hospital dramas (and I wonder why?) with objectiveness and know so much about medical procedures I should have actually become a doctor myself. I was fully awake and they started to work on me with a nurse immediately cleaning off the blood and one doctor at my head and one at my waist they started their healing procedures and used all their consummate skills to get me right.

He stitched on my nose by bringing the skin down over the bone and he refashioned it on the spot. So I don't have the same nose as the family nose....hehehe I had over 350 stitches I think and have a photograph of me in the hospital about two weeks later and I look amazing with all these black sutures in my nose.....the leg was another story. He had to put the bone back under the skin stitch the skin together and drilled through from the right to the left of my leg at my knee (I still have two little scars) with an actual drill (hand driven) and he put in a metal pin. I was then put into traction for about 3 weeks.

During this time I was fully awake and can remember everything that they did and what they talked about vividly..... My mother wasn't told to leave she stood next to me for the 3 hours it took to get me right and during that time she and the doctors talked about the war, New Zealand and everything you can think of....while they diligently worked on my body.

I apologize to those of you who may be squeamish, for me it wasn't that bad but for my mother it must have been so bloody awful and so far out there......the next day she had a shower and because of the trauma caused all the color in her hair actually went and she went from blonde to white literally overnight.

Now I'm going to stop here as there is a plethora of other stuff to tell you guys and I know that finally after all these years writing this down hopefully will take it out of my brain sufficiently for me to move on.....

I have suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome ever since and I had a psychotic break at aged 47 when they diagnosed me as bi-polar....but this is another blog.

Night night all.......

Talk to you soon again

TWIN-SET AND PEARLS - California 1959 - I DON'T THINK SO

Twin set and pearls - California 1959...


Well we were living with an American family in a tract house which made it very difficult to find when mother and I went for our daily constitution...'the walk' (once more around the Promenade Deck to make 1 mile) we would try different ways each day but found that the local shops were fascinating.

There was a little block of shops at the end of the semi main road into the subdivision (think of the name on the wall but can't bring it up) sorry.   These shops were a plethora of goodies and the main stop each day was the drug store.  Now here we had chemists only and dairy's but certainly NOT put together with a soda fountain OMG how decadent was this?   We not that slowly went through the menu pie, banana splits, pie a la mode, pie with cheese - you name it we tried it.   I still to this day have a favourite - hot fudge and marshmallow sundae with cream on the top and sprinkles.  Except for the past 35 years or more I haven't been able to have the marshmallow part as no one here has brought it in. That lovely white fluffy stuff can't wait to get back to America and have one - now ofcourse its insulin first (Type 2 diabetes) but by God I'm going to have one first thing off the plane.  When we eventually lived in San Francisco we went to Blums every second day for a treat on the way into Macys - Blums was off the Square and Macy's door was behind the soda fountain....wow it brings back memories and my mouth is full of water in anticipation - interesting.

Now also in these shops was a PIZZA place which we checked out and found the interesting taste, texture and temptation of a double cheese about day 3.   One thing makes me laugh even now all those years later my mother nor I knew how to pronounce pizza - we learn't pretty quickly though as the nice Italian man behind the counter giggled every time we came in, we had called it pizzzaaaa...just say it WRONG and say the z's as ZED.  Interesting!!!

A small flower shop with exotic flower we had never seen some of which we had had on the ship after we docked in Suva and Honolulu things that didn't really smell except looked so exotic and bizarre to us from a daphney, hollyhock, daliah and generally a fairly English garden

The one way we found the house after our little walks, which probably were at least 2 miles, was that in the front garden when they first moved in they had planted a palm and it was slightly off centre so it was our Google Earth coming home to the right house indicator.   These palms had been distributed to all the houses for their gardens and so they were everywhere also the colour coding of the houses didn't help got in the wrong street (they all looked alike) went to a pink, yellow, blue or white house (we were pink) it was the wrong one....think of the movie with Michael J Fox and the tract housing featured in that - have a great memory for trivia....lol

Now on about the fifth day it was a Saturday and the other children decided that it would be a great idea to take me to see a movie at their local ciniplex (just opened) 1959.  Now I had seen lots and lots of movies as my local picture theatre here in Remuera was the Tudor (long since gone) and they played films for the children on Saturdays so I had seen movies like "The Famous Five" and some children's adventure movies (all short probably only 1 hour long max) and ofcourse had seen the Wizard of Oz not long before we left for the States

This local cinema wasn't that far away so the parents all decided that they would go to lunch and we could see the movie.   I was thrilled as it was the first time these American children had actually tried to bond with  me I had been a total alien up until this point...but I was unaware of their plotting.......hehehehe   The movie house was enormous with hot buttered popcorn, soda and lots of lollies I had never seen before so armed with hands full of everything in we went.   Now in 1959 you could smoke inside the cinema and the movies ran on after each other not like in New Zealand where they played at 12.05, 1.45 6.30 etc. these just ran back to back.   We sat down and the last the credits were running for the movie - so settled in to be amazed and really looking forward to a break.   LITTLE DID I K N O W.......what was going to happen.  Me (funnily enough I'm still gullible sometimes at 59 years old) but at 8 they had me good and proper.   It was a new style of movie for general release so age me being the youngest at 8 wasn't a problem.  The movie started with enormous sound (quadraphonic - my ears just about blew out) and up on the screen

The biggest most awful sight I had ever seen coming toward me - a cyclops dragging a (I supposed) dead dinosaur which it had killed.  O M G ......... I totally froze - must have gasped as they all giggled and said things like you ain't seen nothin yet!!!!!!  The god awful puppets (certainly not in Lucas mode) were so frightening to me I just about cr....ed my pantaloons - the kids thought it a great joke and I had to sit there absolutely shit scared and frightened watching in awe and horror at what was being played out in front of me, the animals were fighting and groaning and making the most horrible noises I had ever heard....wow!!!! Now you wouldn't believe it this movie effected me so much that when ever I got sick or had a fever or was upset for the following 15 odd years I would dream about this movie

At the end of the movie which I am positive was 2 hours minimum long I was shaking so badly and so pale that they did have a moment of guilt and said I had eaten too may milk duds....yeah rite!!! hadn't swallowed my own saliva let alone any lollies "milk duds" my arse

Next assimilation was that we moved on - there are gods in the heavens - I still have feelings of hate for those kids who made my life totally miserable - their dog as I said was their only saving grace. Wonder what ever happened to them NO I don't actually care

My mother couldn't even go to bat for me as she had no idea what I had seen that could have upset me so much so that was pretty much a no go area and the American parents just said it was probably just a little too long or loud for me (poor lil ol me.....)

We had become friends with a few people on the ship in other words mum had become friendly and they hadn't minded me well there was this mature couple from Bakersfield and they had asked us to go and stay with them for a week or so. Now we had to fit in all sorts of things in the couple of months between ships as we were booked on the Mariposa to come home....remember this guys?

Bakersfield - HOT as HELL I had never experienced heat like it not up the Death Valley standard but pretty damn close. It was only January but they were having a hot spell...now this couple were lovely Fred and Fran Williams (fancy that remembering their names) and they had grown up children and lived in a very moderate house in Bakersfield and the trip on the Monterey was their retirement treat. She was an amazing baker and I had my first ever lesson with a bunt cake with Fran. We found their house interesting as there were bathrooms for every bedroom and outside was different as well no fences and every house kind of ran together with one lawn...don't know how it all worked then but understand now. They had the most magnificent tree at the bottom of their yard and I knew what it was - heaven help me - a walnut tree. I spend considerable time under this tree as we stayed with them which I will always remember as a treat.

Now Fred was a pilot and had a small Piper Cessna plane (sp) so he, my mother and myself would go to the local airport and get in his plane and off we would fly into the sunset...lol not!!!! I remember the entire area as they were building the water canals and it was like a patchwork quilt - totally awesome. So long ago

I do have stored here somewhere lots of slides which I must get out and sort so that you can see what I am talking about I have originals from mum's kodak of these canals and the orange groves being planted etc. etc.

This little plane was noisy but we certainly covered a lot of ground. He was so quiet and flew us all over the place. Even went to Apple Valley which you could only fly into then...don't know about now. Must google and find out.

We hopped across the San Fernando Valley days at a time and had smooth and bumpy rides....takes me back. Now I would be worried that Fred (a) was too old to fly and could have had a heart attack and/or (b) that he was flirting with my mother....that's too dark to go to.....lol

They had just taken up their local car dealers offer for one of the new Cadillac cars the 1959 model with the huge fins out the back. Got to drive up to San Francisco in this with air-conditioning and huge long wide seats (no seat belts) and you slid across when you went around a corner not that there were many as we were mainly driving on Route 101 highway.....seen lots of pile ups on that highway as well over time. And ofcourse drove into S.F. past the Rose Bowl. Doubt it still is there. Remember asking Fred what was it and he said a ball park and I was none the wiser............hehehehehe

They took us back into San Francisco via Fresno, Menlo Park and San Jose which all became much more well know by us than you could ever imagine....alluding to something that happened that has affected me all my life. We settled into the San Franciscan Hotel just behind the St. Francis Hotel in Geary Street on the 11th floor in a room with a cupboard which was also a kitchen with a one element stove - this is for a later blog I can still make an entire meal on one element.

Then my mother and I started the serious part of our trip the shopping at all the various large department stores. Here in Auckland we had two Smith & Caugheys (still going) and Milne & Choyce (long gone) within walking distance of our hotel and dotted around and close to Union Square were the following: City of Paris, I Magnin, Joseph Magnin, Macys, Sacks Fifth Ave, The White House and one other that I can't quite remember the name of.

On the corner of Powell and Geary was the Matson Line office which was the headquarters for the ships and on the other corner opposite the St. Francis was a coffee shop during the day and bar at night....Can see it in my minds eye but can't remember the name of it. Googled around the streets of S.F. not that long ago and something I didn't know was there. That was the corner where you could purchase the San Francisco Chronicle every day including weekend where they had coloured COMICS - wow, Oh, fantastic, bliss this place was just soooo kewl.

Near to us were a few other places as well some of which I would imagine have long gone but some are still there. The Manx Hotel, The Sir Francis Drake and ofcourse on top of the hill The Fairmont and the other one opposite (hard drive is down can't remember it) which had a Scottish theme bar in 1959. Trader Vic's restaurant and China Town. All will be revealed in more blogs later in the week.

We went to meet with the New Zealand Consulate General who eventually was to be of great assistance to both me and my mother in our time of trial.....

Nite all

WHOOPING COUGH at my age how STUPID is that - LOL

Whooping Cough and other lurgies...


Well I do some strange things and get strange things happening to me....Have been diagnosed with Whooping Cough something I thought I would never have again because I had it in 1957. I can remember feeling bad then with a hoop at the end of every time I coughed. The magic then was that if the hoop persisted best thing to do was take the child/person up in a small plane as it fixed it....Yeah Rite!!!! But from memory the hoop left me think only because I was so s..t scared in the plane. We went out to Ardmore and took a chartered flight around for about half an a hour. If nothing else my mother was forward thinking and whatever needed to be done to fix something got done - hence my first ever flight over Auckland.

Now I only feel sick like a dog......a bad bad silly silly stupid dog. My GP has been wonderful and he picked up that I probably had Whooping Cough but I said NO NO I don't have it I would be hooping....well I was (not very nice) but would have fit of the coughs and then (don't look if you don't want to - spew) which is the hoop part actually I think must be a type of gag reflex....Haven't been well for weeks but put it down to all sorts of other things. What a job today have had to advise all I've been in contact with that if they develop a spasmodic cough please see their GP or local Hospital and advise they have been close to an INFECTED person.....lil ol me lol lol lol lol

What can you do?

This life is such fun and games sometimes and pays to go with the flow even if it is uphill water being pushed up with a very sharp stick.

Now for some lighter and brighter news - well actually there isn't much, I am feeling better and not so tired haven't been able to sleep properly for weeks but this is called by the Chinese the 100 day (lurgy) ? he he he don't know the last word, but 100 days OMG hopefully I'm at day 92 - anything less and I will be totally pissed.


Been out and about amongst the world in my travels and thought I would share a few goodies with you concerning the brighter, spicer and definitely prettier side of my life.

Went up Ponsonby Road on Friday to just see what was happening and enjoyed it heaps strolled along with my new coat (from Trader in Dunedin $30-00) and looked in all the windows. One of my favourite things is to window shop as it costs nothing and you see all kinds of different and wonderful things that help make you and your day better.

Now there is this mens shop called Marvel Menswear and they have a range they manufacture themselves which is amazing - Oh to be involved with a Trillionaire who is a metro-sexual who would wear their gear....so so cool and trendy and yet sophisticated and beautifully made. They have incredible stuff....pay to have a look. LOL they make me want to be a guy but maybe when I win Lotto this week I will buy some of the shirts and T's anyway they are so cool. They also have odds and ends of different china and bits and pieces that are for sale which make the interior of the shop a festive and fantastic area - love looking around. Thank you at Marvel Menswear for making my week happier and me to feel in the world and you gave me a few minutes of joy.

Next I mozzied off to the second hand frock shop which had some nice things but didn't have any money nor the inclination to go in BECAUSE as sure is there is rain, hail and sunshine I would have seen the handbag, shoes, whatever??? of my dreams and would have been unable to get them/it please feel sorri for me!!!!!!!

Then a quick jaunt down to see Texis radio and had a quick chat to them....my home away from home.

Now I'm going to finish up this blog as I'm about to start a coughing fit....

Cheers
Talk to you all later

Best Regards Robyn

SAN FRANCISCO - CALIFORNIA - THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Arrival in San Francisco


The night before we were to arrive in San Francisco the ships news (which was printed daily on the ship) suggested that those of us who hadn't seen the Golden Gate Bridge might like to be up on deck at say 6.15 a.m. as we would be sailing underneath her we did get up early mother and I and were up and ready at 5.45 a.m. which was just as well - for what turned out to be for me an experience of a lifetime and somthing I will NEVER NEVER ever forget....

The sea was calm and beautifully green there was no breeze and a light smell in the air of something I have tried to remember many times - I think it might have been the 'golden' part of California unsure to this day. Will talk about this later.

The sky was getting lighter reasonably quickly and by 6 it was almost fully light. Now there was a fog or mist around in patches and didn't think much about that at the time. I was ofcourse totally bored and wanted to a. be back asleep or b. playing with the other kids (who hadn't come up on deck) or c. just anywhere else but where we were. Over the years this often happened mother had her ideas and so did I but I usually capitulated until I was at least 15 years old - best method to survive I feel.

We had been allowed to stand under the bridge on the fordeck and out of nowhere there was a wall of fog like a concrete wall straight across in front of the ship - this I thought at the time not a lot about but now when I recall it must have been the most amazing sight....

This fog/mist (which was quite thick) started to part and blobbed away in fairly big bits and in the distance I could just make out a shape wasn't able to decide what but there was a structure of some kind and it took probably another 10 mintues before you could see that it was the Golden Gate Bridge only visible in parts throught the mist and it got closer and closer and eventually there was the entire Bridge with the sun shining on it an absolutely (I do not lie) golden...it was as if it had materialized out of thin air. Now my attention was peeked at this point so I watched in awe as we steamed towards it.

Couldn't see any of the city just the Bridge and then all of a sudden it was up close and personal HUGE and AMAZING...you could see cars and movement on the Bridge but it was soooo coool.....

Don't know how to explain this but a big ship going under a huge Bridge into a harbour like that in San Francisco is awe inspiring even at 8 years old. The adults who had come to look were all chatting loudly but I don't know what they were saying can't remember too long ago.

Seemed that the ship picked up speed as we went underneath her, I looked up and we were on the other side within what seemed like a second now, but probably 3/4 minutes as she passed overhead.

Now you won't believe it but the second the bow of the ship was level with the Golden Gate Bridge we could see almost the entire city of San Francisco with the sun beating down on the buildings and shining off the glass windows. Now in Auckland we had buildings only up to 5 stories tall so can you imagine how wonderful it was to see tall skyscrapers (now ofcourse all probably gone and replaced with even bigger and better) but Coyt Tower and Alcatraz all there to be seen....wow its making me cry I'm crying typing this it was amazing, awesome, fantastic, not enough adjs to explain what it was like how it felt in my soul or gut or wherever.....

It was like disneyland (which I saw) but nothing can explain how it felt to see all of that as a picture and to be able to keep it in my minds eye for all these years, certianly must have been fantastingly grand enough to stick....for this many years and I must also have a photographic memory.

We birthed at the Port of San Francisco terminal almost under the sign. Think that sign may still be there don't know. Hope and pray that one day my children might experience such an event one that you can keep in your heart for your lifetime.

We were met at the pier by a daughter of one of my mother's friends who had married an American GI during the war. This had all be organised via written correspondence over a considerable number of months prior to our leaving Auckland. All went to plan they were at the dock waiting and yes she was wearing a red hat to be seen - my mother that is. Always hat and gloves for town!!!!!Oh and arriving in San Francisco, California same drill a suit, hat, gloves and polished handbag.

Me I was in my one and only frock - did get to go shopping though very soon after we arrived.

Now by the time we disembarked it was lunch time so our new American friends and New Zealand daughter of mum's mate all went to lunch at a restaurant - well there ofcourse were Americans speaking with American accents everywhere around us, traffic like we had never ever seen, cars, busses, trolly cars you name it was in our face big time which was scary I think....

The place they chose was close to the harbour but just a regular yanky eating place - which over the years I have eaten at literally hundreds. A menu the size of a Kiss poster (here in Auckland when you went out to lunch at Smith & Caughy's tea-room) a small white card was hand written with what was being served in the centre of the table with probably 5 items. This menu was the biggest M'f...k..r I have ever seen and had pancakes through to pie a la mode - you name it, it had it.

Mother decided that as she had heard of hamburgers during the war and maybe one of those would be an appropriate option so bugers and fries arrived with tab colas in glasses with ICE...omg omg omg ICE...never seen here in NZ except if you had a pimms and ofcourse were an adult, kids didn't get ice. Ice in an ordinary glass holy moly.

Now for the eating ritual. We eat (or I used to - had been taught to) eat with a knife and fork, fingers and hands NEVER...so how to tackle a hamburger with nothing other than a knife???? I was given the "LOOK" which mean't wait and see and I will advise what you are to do ex mother look...so I sat quietly (seen and not heard trying to meld into the plastic seating) but the kids started to eat their fries with their FINGERS and put tomato sauce on them and generally looked like mungrels I was scared shitless - the LOOK had been given so I had to wait until mother did her thing and I was then allowed to follow suit.

Mother picked up the burger with both hands very gently as she had watched friend's daughter and others pick them up and bite into it...so MUMZIE did as well except two things 1. you have to grab a burger pretty much firmly and take control and 2. dont bite little. lol lol

Can you imagine what happened the entire contents of the burger flew over the table away from the bun and mother had a small piece of the bun only in her mouth. Now the children laughed (Leo New Zealand mothers who were into children being seen and not heard unless spoken to glared at me - what the F had I done) with a look on her face that was amazing. Thank God she giggled and another was called for and away we went. THANK GOD I FINALLY GO TO BLOODY WELL EAT...I have always enjoyed burgers very much ever since that first encounter and fries with sauce, ice in soda drinks etc.etc.etc. all mine totally mine. One enourmous thing though has to be Heinz sauce can't swallow anything else. mmmm bit of a worry after 52 years. The bigger the burger the better the challenge in my book. I try and have one burger at least once a week I enjoy them that much I also make the most stunning ones at home but prefer those that others have made.

Now you see what programming does....its incidious and it stays in your brain forever......hehehe

We got into their car which was the size of a playing field (after an Austin black small and English which about 2 and 3/4 people could fit into here) with everyone squashed we drove from San Francisco to San Matel to their tract house and with our trunks etc. which arrived I know not how - maybe another car?    We got to stay in their back room. My best thing from the arrival at the house was their dog. They had a little sausage dog (can't remember its name) but it was sooooo sweet I was used to sheep dogs so this was certainly a Paris Hilton style by comparison to the live dogs I knew. Little well actually not that little eyes and they were so kind. The entire time we stayed with them which was about a week this dog was my constant companion.

My mother (who actually was a rather kind hearted and wonderful person - had been raised on a sheep station) so a dog only stayed outside they were not allowed inside at all...only (? she knew not whom) would have had a dog inside.

Monteray on the high seas

We left off at afternoon tea on the first day after leaving Auckland, so now we will jump along a little faster to get to Hawaii - which was very special for me we were there at a very auspicious time.

As I was the only child on the ship I was treated with kid gloves.....pardon the pun! Most of the adults while I was walking past moved to one side - just in case they touched me - this is what I thought at the time but now probably 52 years on can imagine why - didn't wish to converse or become involved in any way with this sprog....

The staff were a little more polite but I spent most of my time sitting on the deck in a deck chair watching the sea go past colouring in in my colouring in book. There was nothing geared up for us (me) but it did improve after Fiji.

Fiji arrived at about 5 a.m. my mother and I went up on deck and couldn't believe how warm and balmy the air was. Neither of us had experienced the tropics and man was it kewl. Sun frocks at the ready after we had docked we went for a tiki tour.

This is 1958 so there were hardly any vehicles and not that many tourists. Their main buzz came when ships called into their port of Suva. We took a taxi with another three people to the Maggie Grey Hotel for a cup of tea and biscuits.

Walked through the streets and went back on board for lunch. It had been planned that there would be a visit to a village in the afternoon and this I was really looking forward to we had been told about dancing and singing wow I wanted to see it all. What I didn't realise was that there would be a kava ceremony and my mother would have to partake of this drink as did all the adults on this little tour.

The circle of guests around the kava bowl and making of the drink were totally enthralling as this man worked water through what looked like to me straw - just like on my uncle's farm in N.Z. - BUT this stuff as I now know has a wee bit of a kick.

Each person was offered a bowl and our tour guide from the ship had wised everyone up that you had to drink the entire contents of the bowl or it would be considered a slight....came to my mum - they handed her the coconut half cup about one third full. Bravely she took it with both hands as the others had done and placed it up to her lips. Now I knew my mothers perpensity to gagging.....any unusual smell, sound etc. made her stomach gag........evidently the aroma was enough to get the gag in motion but ofcourse being the 'lady' she was there was no way in hell she wasn't going to down this lot.....poor woman - it went down fast, came back up a bit, went down again, came back up a bit and finally after holding her mouth firmly shut I think it went down. At that stage everyone was laughing and her gagging could have been heard on the other side of the island. But I give her marks 10 out of 10 she did keep it down but took a day or so to get over the event.

In the lounge on the ship there was against a wall a box covered with a cloth. It had a sign that said do not uncover or touch - now for me as a nosy kid that was just too much. Every time I was near it though there was always a steward looking and saying or gesticulating NO don't touch. I would ask what is it? they would just laugh and say you will find out when we get to Hawaii. Hence this bloody box became my obcession and I watched it with caution every day in case it moved or the cloth was changed - whatever it was my major issue.......for the entire trip. Except for the lurking behind the potted plants watching the adults dancing in the bar at night.....now thats an entire blog of its own.....learning curve for young child.

In Fiji another two children had joined the ship so there were a trio of untouchables but at least we could play cards together and colour in and watch the sea go past - doubt a child of today would be able to sit still as long as we had to. No running no talking loudly etc. etc. but we were allowed to swim in the pool at lunch time only when the buffet came out. I loved it because these ships didn't have stabilizers and bucked and bronked quite a bit - therefore the pool was only about a third full as it would be at the top one minute on one side and then go up the other - backward and forwards like a wave machine (people pay money to play with that kind of stuff now)...hehe

The adults were allowed to swim at all other times but us sprogs only had from 11 through to 1 ish I think - we didn't have sun screen then so we all ended up like little red chillies but that was how it was.

One fantastic amazing person was on board - she was a famous movie star - I remember her as being the most beautiful person/woman I actually think I have ever seen even up to now.... She wore parios coloured with flowers and often one in her hair she had lovely dark hair that shone like gold and glass and always walked with grace....I was smitten. I was going to grow up to be her and look like her. I still have her autograph but I wasn't allowed to ask her, the purser organised it from my mother's request. See kids were to be seen and not heard.......Heddi Lamar from the Road movies....what an amazing woman I will always remember being in the elevator with her and she actually smiled at me and I can still remember her perfume think it was gardenias......if I smell that flower even all these years later I remember her. At night she wore tight fitting dresses with high heels and every man on the ship didn't watch anything except her - first time I have ever seen women frothing at the mouth and nodding to each other in her direction with I assume some form of semiphor unwritten but all the women knowing what each other was thinking....

We sailed into Honolulu at I think about 7 a.m. and we had watched the most amazing sunrise....it was even more balmy than Fiji and the smell was amazing it was soft and sweet. All the boats came up to the ship and gave over wonderful smelling flower leis. We had to hurry off the ship as friends of my parents were staying in Honolulu - they were a couple who never had children and spent our New Zealand winters at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel - he was eventually given a Knighthood and had turned blind at the age of 30 something - Auntie Dore and Uncle Noel we were to meet them for lunch at the hotel and spend quality time with them for a couple of days off ship.

There was this wonderful pink building with a portico entrance we pulled up in the taxi and got out - well I don't think they do it now but then in the lobby there was a fountain which you could take a cup and drink from - it was a pineapple juice fountain....wow I was in heaven, except for the far too many I snuck in over two days and will always regret. The rooms that they had overlooked Waikaiki (all my spelling will be bad) and I had never seen a beach be groomed before and of course it wasn't much of a beach originally it was added to and probably to this day has sand put on it to keep it up to scratch. There were also these few (and I mean 3 or 4) men on boards surfing - now that was new in 1958.

What I remember most about the days we spent in Honolulu was the fact that it had just been made the 50th State so we had arrived in America being one of the first ships to do so, prior to that America was San Francisco....what a kewl thing - all I can say now it was wonderful but it was such a very long time ago.

I was allowed to sit with the adults in the outside bar which overlooked the beach in the early evening and my mum would have a pimms with all the goodies (cucumber etc.) and also maybe have a maitai...(sp?) which made her as silly as a chook but also Dore as well so the ladies would be giggling and poor old Uncle Noel would be looking into space just nodding every now and then.

Back onto the ship and onward to San Francisco....as we left the harbour we threw our leias into the water which means that I will be going back - but hell its 52 years now will have to be pretty bloody soon or that ritual wasn't real.....

GUESS what was in the box in the lounge on the ship was? - IT WAS A BLACK AND WHITE TELEVISION SET -  when I finally saw what it actually was I fell in love with television and it has turned me into a techno nut from that moment forward. When I first watched it there was a cartoon on of Tweety and Sylvester I think.....oooooohhhh TV finally got to NZ in about mid 1960's so this was spectacular way back in 1958 - I was smitten...

Chat with you again soon.

Cheers

My early years in USA - 1958

Flying boats and other modes of transport...

I was 8 years old and my mother and father had just divorced and as a treat she took herself and me on the Monteray to San Francisco. There were two ships the Monteray and the Mariposa who travelled backwards and forwards from Auckland, Fiji, Hawaii and then on to San Francisco. These ships took turns and were a very popular way to travel to the United States. Don't forget in 1958 it was an epic journey to fly from New Zealand to America - took days - you slept on board the sea plane also had to stop for gas at various locations along the way one fill up and long flying was not going to ever be an option....ha ha ha look at 2009. Usually businessmen (didn't have women then lol) used these clippers as it was quicker than the ships which took about 2 weeks.

Thought I would spill the beans on how and what all this old fashioned shipboard life involved its history now and could be a bit of a nostalgic trip for me and you guys will be flawed at what went on.

Day one boarding - 10 a.m. no early start just a wait in the shed (and I mean shed here in Auckland) guarding your luggage which was enough to supply an entire army of fashion geeks. We only had 4 cases, 2 hand luggage and 1 large almost walk in case that opened up with compartments for all the goodies called a shipping trunk. Makes me think of the Titanic style of luggage.

There wasn't segregation on these ships no first, second, cabin, tourist or swim behind!!! they were one class only and so you couldn't disappear down into any fun areas. lol But - the big but...there were various styles of cabins from the suite to the dungeon. My mother booked a medium sized dungeon inside with no porthole but I'm happy to say it did have air and an ensuite, they were called toilets then.

Walking on board slowly to be met by the Purser and his assistant and you passed over your ticket which was then either smiled at, nodded at or looked at in disgust......told volumes about their snobbery. They were of course beautifully togged out in navy whites as it was December 1958 and was summer here. You were then given over to a minion who ran ahead (to bloody fast for my liking I was only 8) and your cabin door was opened with a flourish and in you went. One little event happened the young man held out his hand and as we were ignorant of any form of tipping my mother shook his hand and said - thank you young man.......his face was a picture..

Now the cabin was from memory probably 9 feet long by 6 feet wide with a bed and a bunk over it on one side the other side was a thinish bench with a mirror over it and shelves of tubular steel to put your trunks on until you unpacked. A small chest of draws beside it. The toilet area was 3 feet by 3 feet - no cat swinging in there possible at all.......Your luggage was already inside the cabin so there was no room for anything even us, omg.

Now it was 11 a.m. and all your friends were allowed to come and see you off, they just arrived said your name to the Purser and he gave directions to where you were. As my mother was recently divorced (this was absolutely unheard of in New Zealand and very rare) we had lots of friends arrive just to check that she was still in tact and able to walk and talk without the MAN who she was married to. She was breaking out and going and doing something on her own - how trendy was that? think most of them thought her mad as a hatter doing such a brave thing on her own.

New Zealand's Prime Minister and Government of the time had difficulty with funds from overseas and we were basically so far away from the rest of the world that no American dollars were available other than travellers cheques from Thomas Cook and the restriction was diabolical(haven't got a pound sign to use) 100 ($ = 200) for the entire trip on the ship and the stay in San Francisco. The idea was that you could survive on 3 pounds a day and as you were fed, watered and entertained on the ship really no money needed for that....wow they were stingy. Tipping not an issue not necessary....

There was a way around all of this - very very very quietly friends would do the following - give you a wrapped gift as a present for your trip, boxes of chocolates, books to read and various other small items to wish you well on your journey. Flowers were also given so we looked like a box room in a botanical garden filled with flowers, people, one child, all the luggage and drinks were being served by a steward with a big tray wow We did flow out into the passageway which caused a little concern from our steward who asked ever so politely to please try and stay inside (how bloody stupid was that) we wouldn't have been able to breathe.

The ship was ready to rock at 1 p.m. so the big hooter went off twice - long long screaches, so then the stewards came running and briskly asked people who were not sailing to please vacate the ship asap - in other words f off, but ever so politely said.

Tears, hugs, tears, laughter, giggling and generally too much champagne and off they strolled, rolled and walked. We left at the same time and went up on deck so we could wave goodbye. Now this is so kewl.....there was a Maori dance and singing party on the wharf and all the friends, relations and hangers on mulled around until the ship gave out the 3 toots for the tug boats to start pulling us out and away......then all hell broke loose. The Maori party started singing and everyone joined in (now there were probably 200 guests on the ship leaving) on the wharf were 500 odd maybe more - not a lot to do in Auckland so everyone brought their children to see any ship sail it was a cheap outing. The Maori party sang "now is the hour" and all those New Zealanders on the ship started crying the American and other nationalities just looked on in either horror or thought it sweet - thousands of streamers were thrown backwards and forwards and it looked like a ticker tape parade. I'm talking thousands of streamers.

Off we went....down the harbour. Now I digress for a moment yesterday here in Auckland was the anniversary of our one harbour bridge 50 years - wow - and we had all sorts of protests and funny stuff happening as the Transport Authority who monitor our Auckland harbour bridge wouldn't allow anyone to walk over it. But in 1958 as the ship turned out from the wharf there was the bridge in all it's glory with the two middle bits missing hadn't been finished so that was interesting!!!

Two hundred miles off New Zealand there is a very deep trench under the ocean until you get there it can be a tad bumpy on the seas so that was our first warning - many more to come. Please try and hold on to the available handrails until you can walk easily. Now its 3 p.m. afternoon tea.

After sailing, back into the cell at toot speed the steward called past to advise best to open some of the smaller cases and unpack a little so while we were at afternoon tea he could remove the suitcases that we had emptied into storage. The trunk was to stay in the cabin for the entire voyage....lol This we did with great gusto and in a great hurry, mother thinking that first in first served at the afternoon tea so off came the hat, gloves and into it in a big way. OMG - I had a nanny who had looked after me since I was born and Clemmie had assisted my mother to pack in the days and weeks prior to this voyage. One bit of a bummer my dearest nanny thought that my mother was being a little too strict/cruel and so unbeknownst to everyone Clemmie repacked my suitcase with certain goodies I would certainly need on my voyage. My favourite teddy, my best doll, my great set of Peter Rabbit books, the small doll I like to dress and all that doll's clothing. Only thing in there for me was a pair of shorts, a couple of dresses, underwear (not enough) and a party dress plus two pairs of shoes. My poor mother lost the plot - that damn woman she said - how dare she pack your toys instead of all the clothing I had especially purchased especially for you for the voyage. By the way no tops.

Afternoon tea - held in the large main lounge on the promenade deck level with lots of tables and chairs all coffee table height (new one on us - low tables - afternoon tea - what the HELL!!!) but there were stewards assisting with sitting people together in a friendly manner shuffling everyone around. Now one problem - I WAS THE ONLY CHILD ON THE ENTIRE SHIP - what to do with the sprog. Well the First Officer asked my mother to join him and his friends at their table which I suppose stopped a riot. My every move was being watched with disdain....ewwww

The only child part is another blog - it was fascinating and that is probably why all of this is totally burnt into my hard drive.

Next blog will cover dress, manners, who, where and what and the CHILD on board.

Enjoy - my goodness its all come back to me now - whew - need a coffee and a calm down.

Where to from here.......the future a mature view

Blog number 5


Maturity - what is it? Something that happens to all of us or does it? I am turning 60 this year but only still feel that I could be 40 or even younger. Attitude is the key. Looks are not as important as so many people feel they are, we are not going to disintegrate in front of everyone just because we have a chin that isn't perfect and matching everyone else's (these beautiful people must have been to the same surgeon who went to the same seminar) God help us all.....

Maturity is a state of mind. You can be 12 and be mature and you can be 79 and be in no way at all mature. Lets define it, I feel we need to rethink individually how to proceed. What do we need?

Confidence - well that comes and goes - Security - that has been taken away from millions of people for all sorts of reasons usually without their control (current world financial issues has taken security from many who felt they had "made it") now they have a learning curve which is going straight up, straight down and sideways. Piece of mind - now that's a good one!!! individuals think everyone other than themselves has achieved this - but none of us do unless, as in my life, being bi-polar gives me all sorts of piece of mind - daily - hourly - and it disappears a lot as well is an entire world suffering from this type of polarisation? Being comfortable in yourself is achieved with kindness and consideration of yourself and of others - will elaborate later on this one.

So where to now..........(a lot actually have) do we all turn into people who are heartless, violent, uncaring of our fellow man, vitriolic to all, self centered, and just plain awful which has happened at a fast pace in my lifetime OR do we sit down and think about our lives our futures and what, where and how we would like to end up. Age is just a number but to feel comfortable in ourselves we do have to think about how we treat ourselves and others - a kind word or deed doesn't cost money it gives us strength to improve our inner being and those we have assisted even in the smallest way may not remember what it was but they may also have more strength to go on.

My pet hate....money as it has been said it is the root of all evil. Why has the world and many individuals not assisted others and their fellow humans. There has been years of lets make our money off the backs of those who we don't care about why do we need 50 different types of one product that 90% of the world can't even afford to eat, buy or use. Money well its nice to have some but why did so may people bet on the future of our world by needing to progress over the tops of others?

SO to politics - such a mixture of attitudes, agendas and self interests - not all are like that but a majority are which taints all around us. This causes stress and grief which could have been avoided if the agendas had not been so self centered - always of course done for the best of intentions, but who's theirs or ours?

I have never been so pleased to finally see a President of the United States of America (and I have lived long enough to have lived through a significant number of Presidencies) who from what I have seen so far has a caring, humane, intellectual, thoughtful human side great carisma to make improvements that will eventually cater to many different groups President Obama in my view does have a belief in the betterment of not only the U.S.A. but a world suffering from so many sad and insurmountable troubles and supposedly unresolvable differences. Now this young man is mature beyond his years and has a belief in himself and a belief that others have the potential to do a good and helpful job as well, but often this is hidden behind self interest a new perspective discussed and acted upon as a role model by President Obama I feel will serve humanity and solve over time a number of issues that have plagued us all for many years.

In my lifetime the world has really gone far away from its most needed core values in so many areas that it will take a miracle to even dent a positive start to a healthy humanity and world changing into a liveable and sustainable world.

Think of the volume of issues to be dealt with - mind boggling - so where from here a better understanding of each other at a basic and humanistic level. Bring it on.

So much do be done and probably needs to be achieved in a fairly short space of time as deterioration has set in and isn't going to go away any time soon.

Corporate raiders etc. etc. people who get salaries that would keep entire countries fed, did those people who actually earn these amounts actually do any good with their physical money - or did they spend it on themselves or gobble up other not such lucky companies and people - they just gambled and gambled on everyone's future - not theirs they were safe...or so they thought.

This is my first blog OMG a rant and a rave without a lot of thought but will sit down and try and understand why we are now at this stage in what I hope will still be a beautiful world before it is too late.

I need to be forgiven for all the typos etc. its 4a.m. here in New Zealand and I decided to go for it.