I have been living under the impression that my life was reasonably good and that everything around me was just simple and uncomplicated. How wrong was I......OMG the last few months (irrespective of last year) have been horrendous. Why has my life turned into such custard?
I wake up every morning and believe that the day ahead is going to be fine...but almost every day lately there has been a drama or I don't cope or I have felt out of sync with everything around me.
Been speaking to a couple of friends in the same age group as me and they seem to be experiencing the same down feelings. I thought originally it was just the winter blues but we have a few months more to go of winter and I don't want this going on any longer - so I have been trying to think of ways to upgrade, update and generally up my life to somewhere where I don't feel totally redundant.
Every day on the news it is so depressing and I know that compared to so many other millions of people my life is amazing by comparison - all the same I am not coping.....bummer!
Has my bi-polar mental health come back to haunt me, lol - it never goes away though, so don't think its that. I don't feel like writing my blogs don't feel like going out or even connecting with anyone at the moment and it sucks. Have even lost the thought of what to do to keep awake and not go back to bed after breakfast and just sleep my life away. What is wrong?
A friend has kindly been helping me do things on my computer as he feels that when you have a computer you are never lonely, all very well except with my feeling of redundancy 24/7 I don't seem to be able to get my head around any of the things he has shown me to do. I have never taken computer lessons and just know a minimum on this little machine and it has become so hard to even think logically so this has to change.
I was so gutted when my dog of 15 years passed at the end of January this year but someone I don't know very well at all has given me thee most amazing present that I have ever received. Six months to the day my JR died he gave me one of his two little toy poodles as two was one too many.....I have called him Pepe Le Pew after the comic character from the 1940's - he is sweet only 1 year and 1 week old - fluffy and cuddly and very easy to train. He already had lots of basic knowledge but without the other dog he is calmer and much less norty - he has become a mature lady's lap dog almost overnight. One downside has been my peeps (the 3 cats) have gone nuts, even though they were used to a dog for their entire lives, two cats have decided not to come back into the house at all and I don't know where they have gone...so good and then bad...phew enuf is enuf.....only have one cat left after 4 days of Pepe Le Pew and she is ensconced at the back corner of the kitchen bench only to come out when we are upstairs during the night......
I don't know how to do trackbacks and this is a problem, should I take lessons, maybe I should....evidently to get known with blogs there are lots of things you can do but I at the moment don't give a stuff - so I have a brick wall totally around me and no strength to push or break it down. If you can't make plans what the hell do you do for the rest of your life?
My capacity to remember things has been making me anxious for no apparent reasons other than I'm tired and I always used to cope well with problems and turned them into challenges - where has that all gone........where?
I have had to turn off my 15 fin heater as I cannot afford the cost of $13-00 per day to run it - this has been a big challenge for me to turn off the heater I have used for years. Am typing this at the computer as I have a 4 fin now going and am wearing every warm bit of clothing I can put on without drowning.....lol but have a cold nose and cold ears....mmmmmm I was a good person and looked on the local energy costings and my heater was .53 cents per hour to run this new smaller one is supposedly .22 cents per hour so if all goes to plan I can pay my power bill currently sitting at $1,200-00 in arrears - most of which the power company has sent off to a debt collection agency as I am on the emergency power assistance group as I use a nebuliser they won't turn off the power but I can't afford to eat if I have a warm house...this is why I havn't been coping I'm going backwards all the time, no good road forward for me that I can see.
It would be wonderful to find someone who could look after me I'm sick of me having to look after myself for all these years, the kids etc. they arn't around so that isn't helpful.
